Our Last Gig: Phoenix/Pomona

Is there anything more melancholy than driving through the desert in the rain?

Oh sure, when we packed up the gear and jumped in the luxurious CH3 landyacht, it’s all shits and giggles; Giddy to be on our way to the first road work of the year, we chatter away like tweakers on a first date.
It’s been a while since we’ve reconvened, and it’s a time to catch up as the gray warehouses of Diamond Bar, then Pomona float by….we display the latest scars, show off photos of the new grandchildren.

But soon the scenery changes from bleak suburbia to bleak desert, the windshield wipers ticking off a dreadful dirge as we speed through the wasteland.
Conversation slows, then stops altogether, and we each stare out the windows as the world passes by, thinking of home and wasted opportunities.

When we close our eyes to ward off the tears, it’s Eddie Vedder’s soundtrack to Into the Wild we hear……..

Shhh...this one needs his rest!

Heh—first piss stop just outside of Indio, and the sun is shining!! A new day, people—and a quick check to the ol Facebook confirms that it is raining in sheets back home….suckers!

Sprinkles in the desert...

Lunch is a quick stop at the Beer Hunter in La Quinta, yer ususual 19th hole tavern favored by the ladies who lunch and the unemployed who drink….

Oh, Beer Hunter...I guess I won't be needing the red scarf wrapped around me head then?

Made Phoenix by nightfall and need to stock up….

Kimm giddy as a schoolgirl in Arizona's walk-in beer vaults!

Overnight accomodations at a sterile business suite joint, but ya know it doesn’t take much to make it a home for us…..

Well, well-here's a couple of familiar pals!!

Pricelined for 29 bucks a night, and the bedbugs are free for the taking!

Showtime at Hollywood Alley in Mesa with our pals in the Freeze —-a great damn show! Had more photos, but they were eventually confiscated by INS. We told them Anthony and Alf were legal, but we’ll let the courts decide!!

Hollywood Alley, Mesa AZ

Sadly, not knowing our way around this burg after a couple decades absent, we had to settle for *sigh* Del Taco for our late night feed/debriefing session.
Late night crap fest

But Saturday saw us bright eyed and ready to take on the world–or at least some fine Bloody Marys at Suckerpunch Sally’s diner in Tempe.

Good Morning

Pictured: Steak and Eggs, side of biscuits and gravy, chorizo omelette. Not pictured: our black, gluttonous souls!

Met up with Johnny and Tyler, and small world that it is, discovered we had many friends in common. Six degrees of T-Bone, as they say…!

Our gracious hosts

Suckerpunch’s is a new roadhouse in the Tempe area, but these guys already have a good thing going. They showed us the Moonshine that is soon to be on the market…


…and proceeded to pour generous samples!

Oh don't get all prissy on us....it's mixed with energy drink for the drive!

We reluctantly said goodbye to our Az pals and hit the ol Interstate 10 back toward Pomona.
Before hittin the Cali border, had to make a quick stop at Quartzsite….spied a bookstore right off the freeway on the way in, and you know we’re always on the lookout for first edition Jim Harrison, wot?

The bookstore

There I am- on bended knee- head tilted to scan the spines of a dozen Black Sparrow paperbacks, when I glance up and come nose to thong with the rascally bookstore owner…and nudist!

Gaaa.....my friggin eyes!!

After the initial shock of dealing with a naked senior citizen (not to mention some pesky childhood memories that suddenly came rushing back!), we purchased a few mags as well as a nice Bukowski cd…..keep the change bub, and remember the sunblock eh?

Next stop: the Grubstake Social Club just a spell up the road yonder, turn left at the brown dog.

Grubstake Social Club, Quartzsite

Saturday evening entertainment at the 'Stake

Regretted not having much of an appetite after scanning the tempting menu!

mmm...and for dessert we'll be having the 'ol prolapsed rectum!
Fried Pollock, Fried Landscape

Back in the car, gotta make up for lost time! Pomona’s calling– seems as though people have been following Alf’s increasingly bizarre tweets, and there is serious doubt if we will actually make the gig…..
The skies darken, and we reluctantly head into the rain again. Lightning flashes in the distance, illuminating the barren landscape we’d skated a mere 20 hours earlier.

And once again, the chatter ceases, the car begins to go silent. A man’s thoughts turn inward, for there is no lonelier place on a Saturday night than the darkened cocoon of an American SUV, hurtling through the blackness…..

Luckily, I remembered the Bukowski cd in my pocket, slipped it in the dash and turned it up to 20:

from: Love is A Mad Dog From Hell

I don’t know how many bottles of beer
I have consumed while waiting for things
to get better
I dont know how much wine and whisky
and beer
mostly beer
I have consumed after
splits with women-
waiting for the phone to ring
waiting for the sound of footsteps,
and the phone to ring
waiting for the sounds of footsteps,
and the phone never rings
until much later
and the footsteps never arrive
until much later
when my stomach is coming up
out of my mouth
they arrive as fresh as spring flowers:
“what the hell have you done to yourself?
it will be 3 days before you can fuck me!”

the female is durable
she lives seven and one half years longer
than the male, and she drinks very little beer
because she knows its bad for the figure.

while we are going mad
they are out
dancing and laughing
with horney cowboys.

well, there’s beer
sacks and sacks of empty beer bottles
and when you pick one up
the bottle fall through the wet bottom
of the paper sack
spilling gray wet ash
and stale beer,
or the sacks fall over at 4 a.m.
in the morning
making the only sound in your life.

rivers and seas of beer
the radio singing love songs
as the phone remains silent
and the walls stand
straight up and down
and beer is all there is

And wouldn’t ya know it, soon we were right there with Buk, he cursing the audience and drinking with joy, describing the filthy things he had planned for his unsuspecting girlfriend.
The lights of the Inland came into view, and the night sky brightened– with both the glow of electrified civilization, and the promise of yet another gig to go!

Oh Chinaski, you dirty old fucker....we love ya!

Saturday Feb 6, Joey’s BBQ Pomona:

The CH3 Eye on TV: LOST

So there we are, Monday evening at the stoic CH3 training camp located high in the San Bernardino mountains. A few shows coming up ya know, so gotta get back in shape in the usual manner–namely, doing the Greased Lightning number from Grease in front of the full length mirror. Hey-works for us!!

Uh huh Uh huh...I Got a Gun!

Well Sir, Alf suddenly stopped the music and refused to practice any longer. Seems his program was ready to start: that’s right– LOST!

Have you heard of this show? Yeah, me either…..

But in a nutshell it’s about a fine group of people that crash their helicopter on a deserted island. Sounds boring, I know. But get this–these people have back stories, ya dig? So each week we get to fill in their past lives, while following them through the jungle.
Now, I’m no Gene Shalit, but I predict ABC has a winner on their hands with this sitcom!!!!

And then to make things even nuttier, these people start to encounter other people on the island, even settlements and all sorts of technological marvels–and time travel! Oh yes-Did I mention the time travel??

Hold me, I’m starting to hear the circus music in my head again!!!!

Wha wha? But how did they...But I thought that..? Oh I just can't keep up with this show!!

But forget the setting and plot twists, brother! As with all good shows it’s all about the characters, and did they put together a stellar cast!!

L-R: Adam Sandler, the retard asian guy from Sopranos, Kate Beckinsale, Apu and Rivers Cuomo....

…and what? At the 48:05:001 minute mark of last night’s episode, Look at the sweet stunt casting/product placement!

Anchoring the cast is the always fine Terry O’Quinn, doing his best with the goopy dialogue….

mmm....am I off the show now or not? I got an offer from CSI Chino Hills on the table ya know!

And whoo, does he play the crotchety/lovable old guy character to the hilt, people!
What, Gerald McRaney wasn’t available?
Still waiting by the phone for his John From Cincinatti walk on?

.....um, yeah-but we got to say cocksucker on HBO!

Much has been made about the diversity of the cast, and we here at the CH3 Asian Anti-Defamation chapter heartily applaud ABC’s use of not one, but three coolies in this show!!

My car? A 2002 Honda Civic with 98 grand in modifications...why do you ask?

Hear hear! It’s about time we’re starting to see some finely drawn Asian characters on the major networks! We’ve come a long way, baby!

Oh, you got some Arab terrorist in there too, as well as the 2 hunky crackers that look like part of Keith Urban’s backing band….but give me my glasses, will ya, because I didn’t see any brothas representin’ on the island.

In fact, the only black charcter was a cloud of smoke!!

And wait a minute….this all-powerful spirit, embodied in cloud, where have I seen this stunt before?
Apparently they just couldn’t get enough of this plot device, last seen in the 1994 miniseries The Stand….

...m-o-o-n spells ripoff!

But our favorite character has to be the jolly jolly fat man, Hurley, played by Jorge Garcia….
Talk about casting to your audience! This guy looks like he’s been to ComicCon, yes??

According to Wikipedia, he played bass in Poison Idea 1998-2001....

Anyway, in episode one, we catch up with our heroes after some bomb went off down in the well, and there’s apparently some confusion as the time has changed, people are missing, there’s two of other people, a little boy wishes people into the cornfield….

OK, I'll explain it one last time...we're here, but we're also there, but we're not really....ah fuck it, let's have a drink!

Sheesh, enough with the plot twists, already! It’s no wonder Jersey Shore is kicking their ass in the ratings! Who wants to work this hard watching TV???

We get drunk, we fight, we hook up...what's the big whoop?

Jesus Christ, it’s as like trying to follow the Adolescents’ history, and at least they give us a goddamn map:

Look closely and you'll find Mike Love in there for a short time early 90's!

I guess anything goes when it comes to plot twists, am I right? In fact, we got the inside scoop on next week’s show, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the new character that is introduced as he suddenly appears from the mysterious jungle…..

What yer hearing is the sound of a thousand fanboys cumming....

Watch Lost on the ABC televison network, 9pm Mondays