Land o the Free

What, again?
Is that what yer saying?

Jeez, seems like it was only just 10 years ago these guys put out a new record….
These guys are machines!

Here at CH3, we spare no expense on glitzy promo materials!!

Heh, fuck you.
We’ve been busy, okay?
After all, it’s not easy trying to work new songs into the set while you bastards keep yelling out Wetspots–even after we’ve played it twice!
Back flap credits

Ah, but slowly-slowly!– we accumulated enough odds and ends, Clash ripoff riffs and loopy lyrics stolen off abandoned Mother’s Day cards, to get back into the Studio and grind out some new stuff.

….in Imax 3d ya’ll!

Beside, just count yourself lucky that we don’t subject you to tons of unnecessary and sucky filler every year, yeah?

I’m thinking Green Day here, on the eve of their releasing 3-three!— albums in sequence, each worse than the last–
Uno, Dos and Chúpelo!

Kimm and BJ backstage at a Glee taping.

And now we stand on the eve of our new release, and we’re thrilled the good folks at scrappy Hostage Records have graciously agreed to work with us, the nasty rumors from former staff members of Enigma be damned!

For this next project, we bypass the usual formats and will release initially as a 7″ single that includes a download card of the 7 song ep—-neat0!

What ya think? Will the kids go for this sort of thing or have we already missed yet another train on the tech railway?

Flash it quick at the door and you kiddies can finally get into Alex’s!! Happy?

Oh, we were so thrilled when cds came around–oh, the convenience!
Now, instead of hearing our songs skip to the organic flaws in the vinyl, we were subjected to the digital blips and burps when the binary sequence was disturbed.

And then what about that Napster–what the fuck?
Ya mean the song comes over my phone modem? And only takes 28 minutes to download Jealous Again??

Besides, we all know that you just burn each cd to your pc, which doles out the tracks to your phones and ipods like the recumbent sow connected to so many hungry piglets.
And then what? You throw that cd into the junk drawer, where it will eventually be passed down the trash line until it sits gleaming on a landfill, its half life 2 million years, and that’s if it rains acid!

No, call us, god help us, Green if you need to, but this seems a far better way to inject the music into your little lives!
Oh, I’m sure in a few years we will have a chip that is sent to you on the back of a nano-robotic weasel, or perhaps a handy suppository that downloads the new songs right into your cerebral cortex.
But until that day comes this will have to do!

…oh look, the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album is out!

Another cool item on this release if the Hostage Art Damage series, where a small batch of the records are numbered and given the personal touch.

That’s right, if yer lucky enough to jump on it, you’ll get a sleeve that has personally been signed by the boys–oooooh!

So we gather together, four grumpy old fucks on a Thursday night to do our promotional duties, though we’d rather be home catching up with our beloved Honey Boo Boo….

The fellas report for autograph duties

But we make the best of it, as we always do.
Hey, this signing stuff–it’s not that bad!

Lara guards a stack of sleeves as the work commences….

And then we think, hey, these are special, but why not make one of these lucky sleeves really special, yeah?
I’m talking golden-ticket-in-the-candy-bar special here!

….ah, copy #4! Let’s make a night of it, shall we?

So we take one randomly out of the stack –lucky number four!– and he comes along with us on a typical CH3 night of adventure:

And whoever ends up with ol’ number four in hand, yer one lucky bastard.
Oh, the time we had… he’s one of the good ones!

Just keep it away from any black lights, if ya know what I’m saying!

…oh #4, just look at ya now!

And so now we release some new songs into the wilds.

We’ll promote it and tour behind it for a while, and then the new songs become just old ones like all the others.
We’ll sell a few, give away too many to chums.
The harsh criticisms will fly around the internet, and we’ll pretend not to care.

And then we’ll get right to work on that next record, don’t you worry–see you in 2022!

Posted in CH3

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