Riesa….

IMG_4044What can ya say? They call Riesa the Chino Hills of Germany, and it’s no wonder! After grabbin up the blonde guitar guy at the hamburg airport, it was a smooth little 7 hour jaunt to this nutty town–apparently, all of Germany is under construction!

Pleasantly surprised to find the club an isolated rec center out in the farm lands…..Met up with the fellers from GG Elvis, and the obvious hijinks followed….

went with clothes on....!
went with clothes on....!

Question! What do you call it when it feels like meat, but does not taste like meat? We call it dinner over here, and I belive we went the whole day without eating an animal…grrr—we’ll get em tomorrow!

mmmm......it's all the same in or out, people!
mmmm......it's all the same in or out, people!
>

Well sir, GG came on and did not disappoint…..we were afraid the clothes weren’t coming off but, oh yes…in no time we were treated to a nice portion of ass!!
IMG_4059

....and for breakfast tomorrow?  Stewed carrots!!!
....and for breakfast tomorrow? Stewed carrots!!!
oh, write yer own bruno joke...I'm a busy man, people!!!
oh, write yer own bruno joke...I'm a busy man, people!!!

Hamburg

Yes, even old jaded punker rockstars have to stay at hostels sometimes…keeps the ol credibility up with the crusties, ya know? Just wouldn,t be right to have the kids see us crawling out of the local Four Seasons after the mani pedi and brunch….

Hostel livin...all we're missin here is hackey sack and vegimite......
Hostel livin...all we're missin here is hackey sack and vegimite......

After a good night’s rest, the fellas are on track. Onto Hamburg now, one more night as the power trio and then we hopefully pick up Kimm at the airport Friday morning…..then and I can lower my guitar down to the kneecaps again and play every other chord like Paul Stanley!!

Let these pictures take you with us on the magical tour through the beautiful German countryside…..

hmmm..what to eat, what to eat....an animal, I'm thinkin....
hmmm..what to eat, what to eat....an animal, I'm thinkin....
Sausage...
Sausage...

Yet more sausage...
Yet more sausage...

Sausage with curry sauce....because we're fuckin nutty that way!!!
Sausage with curry sauce....because we're fuckin nutty that way!!!

What can I say? That beautiful port town makes a band hungry. The show was a gas, learned a bit of the local language,

It apparently means nice to meet you, have you any sausage?
It apparently means nice to meet you, have you any sausage?

Anthony is crowned the new fooseball king…..

Ya see what kind of skills you can develop when yer unemployed??
Ya see what kind of skills you can develop when yer unemployed??

let us continue now—onto Riesa and all the delicious animals they may have in store!!!

Dusseldorf

Miracle of all Miracles!, US Airways came through and got the fellers into Heathrow right on time! Met up with Ant and Alf, grabbed a quick bite in Terminal 5, and hopped Brit Air for a quick jaunt to the mainland…

Why, I'll clobber ya!!  The flight to Germany gets tense between the rythm section...
Why, I'll clobber ya!! The flight to Germany gets tense between the rythm section...

Landed in Dusseldorf and the tourvan wasn’t ready, the tour manager was stuck in highway construction, the backline wasn’t there……things running in the usual mode, eh? Luckily, our old pals in SNFU sent their van to pick us up, and we were soon safely cocooned backstage at the Zakk club. It was a high school reunion for Punk Rock dinosaurs!!

With a bewildered Mr Chi Pig backstage.
With a bewildered Mr Chi Pig backstage.

The bass players give the thumbs up to the backstage bar selection!
The bass players give the thumbs up to the backstage bar selection!

Joey Shithead holding audience with the boys.....
Joey Shithead holding audience with the boys.....

Played our set as the rockin power trio, as Kimm wouldn’t be joining us til Riesa. Benny the tour manager finally arrived with all the goodies from Machete Merch, and the sale was on!

Benny the tour manager manning the merch....
Benny the tour manager manning the merch....

Alfie workin the merch table....I'd say double XL at least, tubby!
Alfie workin the merch table....I'd say double XL at least, tubby!

Spent the rest of the evening catching up with old friends and a lot of cool German fans. Mr. Chi Pig stayed close for much of the evening, entertaining us with his skewed take on the world order!

Take a drink and make a funny face---it just never gets old eh?
Take a drink and make a funny face---it just never gets old eh?
Alfie gettin fresh with the Dickies props...you don't wanna know what he did to Stuart the penis puppet!
Alfie gettin fresh with the Dickies props...you don't wanna know what he did to Stuart the penis puppet!
Adolescents wrapping up a great night with a strong set....
Adolescents wrapping up a great night with a strong set....

And as usual, the night ended with a long ride in a van, 30 minutes to find a parking place near the hostel. Gig one under the belt, and so far all limbs and appendages intact…cheers!

Burnt out and back in the van fuckers!
Burnt out and back in the van fuckers!

Snug in the hostel, prepared for a night of farting and snoring.....
Snug in the hostel, prepared for a night of farting and snoring.....

London calling…..collect!

Alright then, got off the flight and in pretty good shape…..didn’t get a wink of sleep with all of the kneecap abuse ….. but discreetly farted the last stubborn remnants of Walt’s Wharf Black Bean soup into the face of seat 35C on the way off the plane..! mmm…revenge!

Ok then, London. I am here a day before the rhythm section. Kimm and I were thinking of just picking up a couple guys over on this side of the pond, but turns out there’s no Home Depot here yet—Hey 0!!!!

Ok Niños, we neeed one drummer, a bassista...and anyone good with kitchen tiles?
Ok Niños, we neeed one drummer, a bassista...and anyone good with kitchen tiles?

The sad state of the economy means Pricelined rooms at Hyde Park Hilton for 50 bucks!! Got checked in and looked longingly at the bed, but the job on day one is to stay awake til midnight and get the ol’ body clock back on track….

Ahhh...but miles to go before we sleep, eh?!
Ahhh...but miles to go before we sleep, eh?!

Well, the job is also to stay away from the Schwarmas they sell outside of every proper pub in this nutty town! Far too early on the week to start losing precious bodily fluids through *ahem* excessive potty breaks!

The key is to keep moving, kid! Quick tube ride, Central line to the Northern, Picadilly then hit the streets to Covent Garden and a quick Extra Cold Guiness at Punch & Judy’s—yeah, I know it’s touristy, so kill me! I hang out at Downtown Disney every Thursday night too, pretending I’m a exchange student from Wisconsin!

mmmm...meat pies and street performers!
mmmm...meat pies and street performers!

Alright, keep it moving, I’m feeling the effects of Mother Earth’s gravity pulling me down! Back into the tube and pop up a short time later in Camden Twn, and into our beloved World’s End to get the wits back….

It's the end of the world and I'm loving it!!
It's the end of the world and I'm loving it!!

Proper nutrition at the World's End and all is right with this crazy blue rock, baby!
Proper nutrition at the World's End and all is right with this crazy blue rock, baby!

Jesus…don’t know if I’m gonna make it! The body just can’t weather the effects of Time and travel like the old days, and that bed and a nice cup of tea is calling louder than last call at Alex’s Bar on a Friday night!!

Keep moving, that’s my motto, which I’m apparently saying aloud to myself at this point. Also, no Schwarmas, no schwarmas, though they are waving the pungent meat bombs under my nose at every stall!!

Hey you!  Come over here and eat some of this meat that's been rotating in the window for a week!!
Hey you! Come over here and eat some of this meat that's been rotating in the window for a week!!
Barstool vespas on Camden Lock....no matter where I go, can't escape the Mods!
Barstool vespas on Camden Lock....no matter where I go, can't escape the Mods!

A few more at Hawley Arms, and the jet lag has now morphed into a really nice Dementia…I was later found down by the water talking to a group of bewildered ducks…..

You birds never give pay back anythingdammnit!  I deserve better treatment..Answer me!!!
You birds never give pay back anything dammnit! I deserve better treatment..Answer me!!!

It’s midnight now, and after a fevered tube ride back to Queensway station I finally stumbled my way back up to room 520. It was only then I realized what I was gripping in my trembling hand…Gaaa! Schwarma!!!

Mixed meat, heavy on the sauce, side of Immodium please!!
Mixed meat, heavy on the sauce, side of Immodium please!!

Ah London…same as it ever was. Off to pick up the fellas at Heathrow and onto Dusseldorf now..Cheers!

The long days journey into night into day into night………..

Really? Is there some fucking unwritten rule where they put the guy who leans all the way back in front of me?

Virgin Airlines non stop LAX to London, and yeah, spent some miles to upgrade to Premium—-but I might as well ship myself to Heathrow in a goddamn refrigerator box when the 5’3″ man in front of me decides a trans-Atlantic flight would be a good time to torture my kneecaps!!!

...please sit back and enjoy the 10 hour flight in front of us and...gaaaa!  My fucking legs are numb!!!!!
...please sit back and enjoy the short ten hour flight and...gaaaa! My fucking legs are numb!!!!!

Oh, look at him—he’s bouncing back and forth in his Premium Class leather heaven like a goddamn monkey. It truly would not surprise me if I started feeling the tell-tale masturbatory rhythms of primal satisfaction coming from seat 35C!!!

What the is this all about? Do you short gimps really feel that a long period of time spent in a small metal tube is the best time to express your hatred for any normal sized human??!

Ah well–I’m use to this kind of abuse…at least they had good in-flight entertainment going on……..

Well, I ended up watching Anvil over and over 10 times…..Who’s heard of this movie? hmmm? Childhood friends continue playing long after any demand exists, and they ride their sad legacy into the dust….sound familiar kids?!?!?!

The story of a band that doesn't know when to hang it up....can you belive these clowns???!
The story of a band that doesn't know when to hang it up....can you belive these clowns???!