A bit of catch up, shall we?
When last we left the lads, staggering about the wilds of Tijuana after a gig in search of the mythical Monkey Bars of Avenida Revolución— this back in goddamned April 2015 !–the rascally Yemini Civil War was still in its adorable toddler stage.
Green Day had finally been elected into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and we left Don Draper sitting in the lotus position on the brink of the frothy Pacific: the genius idea to sell brown fizzy water to the masses in the guise of brotherhood the only insight gained from a 2 week stint at Esalen.
We thought it was a good time to take our well earned sabbatical.
After all, you kids were doing OK, and it was time for you to start your own C level punk rock bands and suffer your very own brand of decades-long indignities.
And we left you in the hands of an eloquent, thoughtful World Leader, a stable economy and the promise of a nationalized Health Care system finally on the horizon.
Been a while, am I right? Anything new happen while we’ve been away?
I leave you goddamned kids alone for a couple years and what happens?
It’s as if no one ever learned from those classic cautionary tales of the 80’s!
What is this, some sort of grand experiment?
Were we so bored with progression as to to wander into this alternate reality where Biff gets to keep the Sports Almanac and 70 year old men take to Twitter at 3am like junior high girls flushed on their first Zima?
I say again:
Alright, enough of that, we won’t be wasting any of your precious toilet reading time on Dear Leader any more.
Lots of things to catch up on, so let’s get started.
Yeah, the band went a bit underground for a couple years.
A few lineup changes, the usual minor plastic surgery, new pets and all the weird behaviors they inflict upon the household.
Some heartbreaking farewells to people who were so dear to us.
And yeah, as you might’ve heard, we got a new record!
Why do you think we’re here people?
Listen, I know it’s a new world out there.
A place where words such as alt right, fake news and Impeachment are abruptly copied and pasted into the daily lexicon.
We’ve lost that very last delicate morsel of innocence that we were saving for the Dodger’s pennant run, spent our National Goodwill on the moon pushing the goddamned Sun out of the way for a few precious moments of childlike awe.
We look around, at this world we all hold some sort of blame in creating, and can only struggle to make it through another day. Shudder at what the next morning will bring.
But your old pals are back now, and if things are not going to be better for a while, at least you will have pictures of food and guitars to soothe your battered soul.
Oh, I’m sure in the next few months we’ll get back to the regular blog subjects: those fine greasy meals consumed at 3 a.m., the Golden age of Television we currently enjoy, poorly attended shows in cities that didn’t want us to visit in the first place–ya know: the usual.
But we return in full on whore mode, ready to sell off the last of our dignity to get this new stuff out to you.
We’ve got some tour dates lined up, a spiffy new web layout and even our very own in house store to shill our wares to you suckers.
I want you to savor the quiet time you were gifted, as you will soon be very sick of us as we continue this shameless promotion.
So feel free to kick around the new digs, scroll through a few meaningless Instagram posts, trust us with your credit card number or Paypal account and we’ll send you a T shirt. And if you do not also see an Alibaba charge for 25 kilos of alpaca food show up on the monthly statement, hey- bonus!
Alright then, let’s be careful out there kids, talk soon.
Oh, and one more thing: